We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and a delicious potato chip.
Sometimes, things don’t go as planned: from Wounded Knee, to the Bay of Pigs, to Watergate. But history proves that true American gumption always prevails. So, when the gas station was somehow out of the item I had been preparing for day one of AMERICAWEEK, I pulled myself up by my proverbial bootstraps and walked past the gap on the shelf (and in my heart) where Hostess Apple Pies are usually stocked. What caught my eye immediately after were the suprapatrioic colors of Ruffles.
As Americans, we pull out the corn cobs, franks and apple pies once a year to commemorate the country that has served us so well. Ruffles wears the blue, red and white proudly, day after day, whether on a display shelf or in a cardboard box. This tenacity, this dedication is the most American thing I have ever seen.
Furthermore, as if the colors and subtle blue stripes slanting across the face of the bag weren’t enough, it’s as if Thomas Jefferson himself sent me a gift from the beyond. A new face at the gas station! He whom we will call Ryan was friendly, professional and ran that register by the book. I knew I was in safe hands today. A great omen.
What else is patriotic about Ruffles? Well, the bag cannot stop swinging for Team USA. That “Rrrufles have Ridges” quote shows the unfailing American sense of humor (see, Plessy v Ferguson). On top of it all, the bag depicts a chip in the background scooping into some white, creamy dip. I am a hardworking, non-unionized American and after my 9-5 I simply don’t have the time to figure out how to best complement my snackfoods! Ruffles does this for me.
By 2012, I think it’s safe to say we’ve all sampled a ridgy potato chip or two. Before the whole world decided to become gluten free, we were toting these bags around, dipping them into sour cream-based accompaniments and, by gum, enjoying it! The ridges create the perfect consistency for crunchiness without flaking or crumbling. Plus, the texture does wonders for dips.
The potato-and-salt flavor is not the most exciting taste adventure out there, but it is representative of the great country that birthed this chip. Is the American Dream bland? Was Manifest Destiny boring? Of course not: the mild, expected taste of Ruffles appeals to family-friendly sensibilities – allowing for palates from three to 300 years old to enjoy. Not to mention, the staple potato taste allows for optimal dip varieties. Bean dip, sour cream dip, the list goes on.
Ruffles, with one hand in your chip bag and the other poised at my forehead, I salute you.
Nutrition Info (per bag)
|Calories||300, 15% DV|
|Total Fat||19g, 30% DV|
|Sodium||260mg, 11% DV|
*These calculations are based on a 2,000 calorie diet, which is indulgent and wholly unrealistic.