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Bon Appetit Banana Nut Muffin

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Alright readers, I’m gonna give it to you straight today – it’s Monday and after being sick for days I have some catching up to do in all three major sectors of my life: work, home, online cat photos. Just kidding, looking at cat photos is easy to do, even for the infirm.

I buy this muffin and I’m excited. I’ve only had good experience with Bon Appetit baked goods. They are always fresh, moist and flavorful and today’s is no exception. However the banana nut muffin is extra crumbly, especially since it’s too large to place directly into your mouth. This means breaking off pieces is a must, which results in some sticky fingers! Oh no!

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I am a trained stunt eater. Do not attempt such a bite at home.

Have you ever noticed that people call something banana bread or banana nut bread when it tastes almost exactly like a banana nut muffin? Why the misnomer? I have yet to see somebody make a sandwich with banana nut bread. Although, slapping some PB&J on that stuff doesn’t sound too bad …

Back to the Bon Appetit Banana Nut Muffin. This is somewhat of a letdown. Crumbly, messy and, most importantly, I am hard pressed to find nuts anywhere except the muffin top (omg, stop laughing).  Plus, one entire muffin has 600 calories and more than 50% of your daily allowance of fat, so only reach for this guy if you’re craving some of Mom’s banana nut dessert.

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RUFFLES® MAX® Loaded Bacon & Cheddar Potato Skins chips

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New fun fact about me: I used to work at a TGI Friday’s. We don’t have to talk about Jack Daniel’s steak or the infamous drinks, but let’s talk potato skins. Everybody’s favorite, cheese-and-bacon-topped indulgence.

Fellow bloggers Snort Ramen have sampled this newfangled snack, and it’s quite a rousing tale. Bacon makes everything better, sour cream makes everything better and, although I’m not a fan myself, I hear cheese makes everything better. So, a warm, cozy baked potato is the rule and most certainly not the exception. Wow, foodporn much?

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Taking extreme closeups to the MAX!

All in all, Ruffles Max Loaded Bacon & Cheddar Potato Skins taste pretty good. While the texture is a complete 180 from the soft, gooey, crunchy, creamy texture of a loaded potato skin, there are hints of the original. A little smoky bacon aura here, a little muted sour cream and cheddar there. It pretty much tastes just like an amped us Sour Cream and Cheddar flavor. Oh boy, wish I had compared these two now, because off the top of my head I remember the SC&C flavor packing a much more powerful punch.

Something about this flavor is addictive. I need somebody to tell me to stop. I’m even reading this Guardian article about fast food, and it’s not doing the trick.

On the upside, a bag of these bad boys has 27% of your daily potassium. Yum!

Nutrition Info (per bag)

Calories 450, 23% DV
Total Fat 29g, 44% DV
Sodium 500mg, 21% DV

*These calculations are based on a 2,000 calorie diet, which is indulgent and wholly unrealistic.

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Jack Link’s Flamin’ Buffalo Chicken Nuggets

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You guys picked it, I ate it. It was June of 2012, when on a roadtrip back from Yosemite, my fellow in the front seat purchased Jack Link’s regular nuggets. Meaty, chewy, textured – a different jerky experience! Let me tell you, eating red meat isn’t second nature to me and I have to be reminded that it exists at times. So of course there’s hesitation when it comes to trying such a strange, new food.

But the Jack Link’s Flamin’ Buffalo Chicken Nuggets have been, until now, uncharted territory for me. It sounds spicy and heart healthy. You guys picked right!

This jerky nugget concotion is moist, spicy and different. From the back of the package, it also looks like one of the healthier items you can buy while roadtrippin’ … or bong tokin’. Yes I went there. Who else could such a snack could have been designed for?

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McDonald’s is already closed, bro.

Nutrition Info (per bag)

Calories 180
Sodium 1,8930mg, 75% DV
Protein 18g, 54% DV

*These calculations are based on a 2,000 calories diet, which is indulgent and wholly unrealistic.

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Foster Farms Honey Crunchy Corn Dog

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While I give my readers plenty opportunities to influence what’s up next on my humble blog, you guys aren’t the only ones to whom I listen. I allow my friends and loved ones to boss me around (how else do you think Nutter Butters happened?) and make suggestions. Ryan and Belinda have either inspired me or affirmed my decisions. Today was no different.

As I approach the gas station, I lock eyes on Bernard, who sees me and smiles. I swear I don’t even get this kind of acknowledgement when I come home after a day at the office. It’s lunchtime and I’m famished, so I make my way over to the hot foods aisle. It’s been a while since I’ve indulged in a dog, but then something catches my eye.

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I just found nirvana under a heat lamp.

I apologize for cutting off the copy, but the fronts of these packages reads, “Fun on the Run.” Foster Farms doesn’t just want to feed you on the go, but ensure you to have a good time doing it. I know, right?

However, this doesn’t have me completely convinced. A few plump brats are rotating over in the … hot dog rotator. As I vacillate between battered dog and bare, I hear somebody address me.

“Hard to make a decision,” a man says to my right, while filling up a huge drink with Mountain Dew.

“Well, bratwurst is always good,” I retort, “but I don’t know when the last time I ate a corn dog was.”

Turns out this guy, Rich, and his friend, I shit you not, Rich had both picked up their lunchtime hot dogs. They validate my hesitation, and a few lines in I  notice their shirts. Oh, these guys work at my company. There are two locations of my company within a few miles of one another, and here I am, jawing with two coworkers about encased meats. I mean, this is a fantastic introduction and an instant bonding moment … but a little embarrassing considering they saw me taking photos of the Foster Farms.

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“Fun” is and understatement (aka Funderstatement)

After some debating, we settle on the corn dog; and I try to make my way out the conversation as quickly as possible. Corn dogs wait for no man. I get back to my office, squiggle some mustard on, dot the dog with ketchup and have at it. It’s very fluffy and the dog is hefty. I savor enough to report back on the flavors, but eat it hungrily and finish with a full belly.

However, I’m feeling a bit queasy afterward. This may have been caused by eating quickly on an empty stomach, so try at your own risk.

4 Comments

Pick Wednesday’s Item!

I would do anything for you guys. ANYTHING. Well, by that I actually mean, I would eat some very curious meat selections from the gas station. Tomorrow is Weird Wednesday, so please select what you want to see me try next.

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Voting closes 12:00 pm PST, 12.9.2012.

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DAVID Pumpkin Seeds

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Phosphorous, Mangesium, Zinc, oh my!

Ok, that’s an overly used and overly trite intro to ANYTHING. But for realz, I’m very surprised at how low-calorie and supposedly all-natural these snacks are. I originally started popping pumpkin seeds when I heard they are a natural libido booster. Like popcorn at a movie theater, I tell you. But now I read the back of the package and the kernels of an entire package of DAVID Pumpkin Seeds is only 280 calories? That’s ridiculously healthy for gas station fare.

Not to mention, they’re ridiculously easy to write out messages with:

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I went a little crazy on Instagram, as you can tell. Check out my handle @gas_station_gastronomy for more edible creations.

But  be forewarned, the nutrition info on the package is for kernels only – I assume the shells have quite a bit of unclaimed sodium. I’m docking one point of satisfaction for incomplete disco lure of what exactly I’m putting in my mouth. That’s fair, right?

Nutrition Info (per package)

Calories 280
Total Fat 22g, 34% DV
Magnesium 50% DV

*These calculations are based on a 2,000 calories diet, which is indulgent and wholly unrealistic.

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Rockstar Zero Carb

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I think today’s beverage choice ushered in a short hiatus from energy drinks. The post-Labor Day blues are hard to shake, so I opted for a drink in the same hue.

Rockstar Zero Carb is a sweet wild berry flavor with ZERO CARBS! Unless you’re diabetic, the only reason you’re even reaching for this drink is to stay as svelte as a strung-out hair band front man. You know, back when being a rockstar meant something other than wearing spunky sunglasses and trying to save Africa. You know, the blow-groupies-destruction-venereal skinny look.

This Rockstar energy drink is not only zero carbs, but it has me jittering within 30 minutes of drinking half a can. I save the second half to drink before the gym … 200 curls, 150 squats, 60 tricep dips later and I’m still in the throes of an anxiety attack. Plus, there’s the bonus of my stomach going a bit queasy afterward.

Forget about juice fasting, Rockstar Zero Carb is the ultimate weight loss drink.